I Want a Husband

My own mother is a wife and a house-maker. She had a job in the past, but now she gets to enjoy her time leisurely, cleaning and cooking. She has a husband, and is therefore supported financially, and does not have to worry about how to pay the bills. Upon seeing the huge benefits to having a supportive male counterpart, I decided that I want a husband. 

I want a husband who will fix anything and everything that needs fixing. I want a husband who will fix the television when static comes on the screen. I want a husband who will fix the computer when the screen dies. I want a husband who will take out the trash before it begins to stink up the entire kitchen. I want a husband who will mow the lawn. I want a husband who loves to play catch outside with my son for hours to get the children out of the house. 

I want a husband who will always act out of his own interests before thinking of mine. I want a husband who will throw his dirty clothes and shoes on the perfectly vacuumed floor. I want a husband who will always leave the toilet seat up after urinating. I want a husband who does not bother to wipe remains of urine off of the toilet seat. I want a husband who constantly forgets to flush the toilet. I want a husband who will come home from work exhausted, and then lie on the couch for hours to watch football. I want a husband who cannot cook nor do laundry. I want a husband who believes that I will make him a sandwich whenever he pleases. I want a husband who belches and performs other bodily functions after a meal. I want a husband who cringes at the thought of changing my baby’s diaper. I want a husband who snores loudly to ensure that I do not fall asleep. 

I want a husband who will support me financially. I want a husband who makes enough money so that I do not have to work. I want a husband who buys me gifts like diamond earrings and necklaces to buy my happiness. I want a husband who wastes an entire year’s salary on a sports car that he does not need. I want a husband who spends his bonus on a new motorcycle. 

With all the benefits a husband brings to the household and to the family, I cannot imagine why anyone wouldn’t want a husband.